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uncomfortable - ramblings:

Oct. 16th, 2003

05:30 am - uncomfortable

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everything's so blurry
it's 4am
and i just woke up
sickness consumes me
like the black by-product
of the day's words
said, hurt and recycled
to be a feeling, then thought, then 'nother word
or move
meant to spread the hate we planted in it
before even 1951
so it's not like it's your fault
before your religion even began
that hate was reincarnated daily
minutely
to grow and distort
to the perfect blend to make me stare warily at my bed
tonight
(this morning?)
logic screams that there's no variance
to the density of blood over water
but just stick your hands in it..
you can feel the difference

creation
the beauty of the universe concentrated to an act
oh how stunning you give life and demand it back
since i can't see your right and wrong
it's just another ignored intention
i could live with yours as yours
and hold tight to mine
but the confusion wrapped into a selfish serpent
sliding from the hole you hide in amidst everything i do
and that's the only thing i can't stand
when you look at me like i should welcome
those poisonous teeth.
don't tell me it's only because you love me
i see your eyes gone vacant and the terror there
trying to aleviate some of the insanity
by projecting your venom to others
i can see it for what it is
it's thick like blood but more black than red.
i drank a little earlier and the nightmares
are only starting to fade now

that's the only way i can explain
i feel like a five year waking up after a bad dream
but i have no night light to show
the absense of hands and teeth poised in every corner
i have no one answering my call
and i really just want a hug.